Yosemite

Waterfall - First Blondillium Attack




Bridal Viel Falls - Second Blondillum Attack




Yosemite Falls - Third Waterfall



Lower Yosemite Falls - Fourth Waterfall



Picnic at Yosemite


Date: Monday, June 14th
Day: 31
RV Miles: 3,624
Location: El Portal, CA
Elevation: 1,256 ft

Note: Please forgive the gap in the blog. We were near Yosemite and there was absolutely no phone and no internet available.

Today, Larry’s quest to see a waterfall came to an end. He found one, but not without incident. So you can understand exactly what happened I will need to digress and make sure my readers are up on the latest brain research.

Current theory indicates that within the female brain there is a very primitive area referred to as the blondillium. At the heart of the blondillium is a black hole centered on an infinitely small (and therefore infinitely useless) neural synapse of nearly infinite mass. For some reason the blondillium is generally very active in women with blonde hair. (For those insightful readers who see a correlation here, let me say that linguists have been arguing for years whether the hair color blonde came from the term blondillium or vice versa. The fact is no one knows for sure.)

At random times the blondillium gets triggered and when that happens the black hole opens up and sucks all intelligent thought out of the skull leaving behind a perfect vacuum. In some blonde-haired women, there is a temporary rush of air in though the ears and scientists have observed winds speeds in excess of 90 knots in some subjects. This air rush is a partial explanation for the wind-blow hairstyles we see on some blondes.

Due to the unique shape of Marsha’s blondillium, when it is triggered it emits a high-pitched squeal, “AhOhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” of about a half second duration. Larry incorrectly assumes that this is a verbal squeal, but in fact, it is the sound of her last coherent thought getting sucked down the black hole.

On the male side of the equation, evolution has trained the male hypothalamus, the most primitive part of the brain responsible for the fight-or-flight response to respond instantly to a triggered blondillium. This is appropriate since any male in close proximity to a triggered bondillium is in mortal danger.

With that out of the way, we can get back to Yosemite. Larry was driving us into Yosemite with Sasha and me in the back seat and with Marsha in the passenger seat doing her imitation of a bobble-head. There was a lot to bobble-head about because the tree-lined narrow winding mountain road was absolutely beautiful and idyllic.

Larry, really into the scene was driving slow, and his adrenaline/stress meter was reading absolute zero. Then it happened. From the passenger seat, “ “AhOhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! “

Larry’s head snapped right, then left, his pupils dilated, his face turned pure white and his adrenaline/stress meter shot right past DANGER and came to rest on LEAVE THE PLANET IMMEDIATELY. Later Larry confided in me, that he was sure something terrible had happened and that he must have just run over Smokey the Bear without realizing it. (Bear in mind that such irrational thoughts are common in men suffering from a severe blondillium reaction.) All Larry could mutter was, “WHAT?”

“AhOhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! “

“Oh my God, something terrible has happened. There is no place to turn around. I must have run over a gaggle of nuns.” Larry thought before adroitly inquiring of Marsha, “WHAT???????????”

“AhOhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! “

“It’s worse than I thought,” thought Larry, “I must have run over a gaggle of blind nuns with eight orphan children being escorted across the road by Smokey the Bear.” Larry then did the only thing he could. He slammed on the brakes, turned to Marsha and inquired, “Dammit, Dimmwit, WHAT?”

To which Marsha replied innocently in a small little girl voice, “Waterfall.” (See the first picture above.)

To make a long story short, Larry got the car turned around so Marsha could oooh and aaaah over the waterfall. A mile or so down the road, this situation repeated itself. (See the second picture above.) After this the second incident, Larry made Marsha drive so she couldn’t bobble-head anymore and without incident they found a third and fourth waterfall. (See the third and fourth pictures above.)

After that there really isn’t much to say except that we had a really nice visit picnic in Yosemite and a the remainder of our visit was nice and quiet.